It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart.
— Finnick Odair via modernmethadone (via u-p-w-i-t-h-t-h-e-b-i-r-d-s)
alliwantedwasalapdance
I went out to brunch today
I smoked before so I wouldn’t have as much anxiety. I ordered eggs florentine with spinach and whole wheat toast with 3 pancakes topped with bananas and strawberries. My friend and I shared a fruit bowl.
I didn’t realize the eggs had feta cheese on them and I ate one. I ate one and it had a lot of fat on it and being high didn’t make this any better, but it did make my thoughts more distinguishable.
I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone, that everyone was lying to me, that everyone was untrustworthy. I asked the waitress to please bring another one without cheese and when those came out my friend jokingly said they put cheese in them. She said it twice. I asked her to stop and she only said it once more after that. I felt horrible about myself and didn’t want to eat any more after that. I felt betrayed by the waitress.
(In my sleep I dreamed this poem)
Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.
The Uses of Sorrow by Mary Oliver
